Songs for a Broken Heart
by maile
Summary: He realizes then that the hard part wasn't winning her back, it'll be keeping her. Just because the third time's the charm doesn't mean it will be easy. Puckleberry- A/U. Contains very adult content.
1. Dirty

Author's note: Two things. First thing- I love Glee. I do. Huge Puckleberry fan. I think the show is brilliant- most of the time. See the thing is there are times when the show is just good. And it hurts because you can SEE how if things just went a little further… I mean you can just TASTE it. This is my attempt to take things to that place. Which means this story will push the envelope. Which also means it's rated M for a reason. Second thing- this will be slightly AU. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes by accident. I'm going to get some of the minutia wrong, and my dialogue might not be fully authentic. I'll try, but I'll miss the mark sometimes. Forgive me?

Chapter One- Dirty.

Noah Puckerman woke up hard and sweaty to his ringing alarm. This wasn't an unusal event for the teenage sex machine. But it was winter. It was nearly seven and it was still dark outside. His windows were frosted over, but he was sweating. His blankets were on the ground, and he was tangled in just his sheet but he was a hard sweaty mess. _Because of her. _

He'd dreamed of her. _Again. _ Only this time… this time there'd been slushies. He'd been walking thru the hall and seen her. It had been like the first time. They'd agreed to meet at his locker before first period. He'd been bringing the slushie to her. Grape – her favorite. She was wearing tight jeans that showed off her ass and his old white button down shirt, the one she'd given him for his bar mitzvah but was too small for him now. Truth be told, it was too small for her now too, but he liked the way it showed off her… berries. He couldn't remember when or how she'd claimed it back, but damn he loved seeing her in it.

Like the first time she'd been talking to some senior. Daniel something. Total drama closet case. Daniel was leaning over her, totally putting the moves on Rachel and she was letting him. He had clutched the slushie in his hand and rushed forward. And like the first time he'd decided that someone needed to cool down. The rage had boiled up. Daniel "Jizzstain" Jizowick. He remembered now. Drama boy's last name was Jizowick. The Jizzstain would learn not to mess with Puck's girl. And then at the last minute when the Stain had leaned in even closer to kiss her, she'd done it again. Just like the first time. She'd sort of… pushed the Stain aside, pirouetted away and toward him and _smiled_. She'd seen him. Rachel had seen him and _really smiled_. He should have known that she would. Rachel always saw _him_.

He had smiled back. She really was his. He was still totally going to give the Stain a slushie bath, but Rachel was totally his girl. But then Kurt had bumped into him. And the slushie… he'd hit Rachel with it. Just like the first time. That part of him that knew this was a dream was silently screaming. Not again. He would not let this happen again. This was the moment Puck was born. But he didn't want to be a badass cougar tamer who got more tail than Tiger Woods. He wanted to be Noa Puckerman, Rachel Berry's boyfriend. Well, okay, her badass boyfriend.

But this time was different. Because HE was different. This time he'd had the balls to say it. When she'd turned away, he'd dropped the cup, caught her arm, gotten down on his knees and said it "Rachel I'm sorry. I love you." And this time… this time, on his knees, he'd looked up at her. He'd seen that she loved him too.

And the world had melted away. So that it was just the two of them, in the hallway of McKinley High. Him on his knees in front of her, her left arm gripped gently by his right. She'd rolled her eyes and called him an idiot. Grape slushie had dripped off her face then onto his, and they'd laughed. She'd leaned down over him and licked it off of him. And he'd gone hard in that instant. He'd looked up and seen how the gooey grape goodness had sort of… clung to his shirt. Her shirt. Her… berries. He could see her nipples and they were hard. He'd done that. He'd made her nipples hard.

"Noah," she said softly as she stroked his head with her free arm. "Help me clean up? I feel so… dirty."

He'd almost pulled a Finn then. Watching her pull her arm from his and trail two perfectly manicured fingers from her pussy –it was a dream so he was allowed to use that word- up along her flat grape slushie covered belly, up over her hard nipples –the nipples he'd made hard- and passed her plump, juicy lips. Holy Randy Rodgers and Horny Hammerstein. He could feel his cock twitch in rhythm with every twitch of her lips. Every time she suckled on her fingers it was like she was sucking on him. He could just imagine what her tongue was doing to her fingers and what they could be doing to him.

When she shivered, he shivered. It took him a moment to realize they were shivering for different reasons.

"What, what is it baby?" he asked, his voice rough and hard.

She blushes but doesn't look away. "I'm cold Noah. I've got slushie in my-"

"Pussy" he breathes at the same instant she says "jeans."

"Noah!" She giggles. "That's dirty."

He grins at her and tells her he'll turn her temperature up.

She laughs again then takes his hands and places them on the front of her jeans. And then she says it, the thing that makes him break into that sweat. "Lick it clean for me?"


	2. Can't Stop

A/N- We're (obviously) getting in to some AU turf. You'll see where and how slowly over the next few chapters. Feel me flex my poetic license.

Chapter 2- Can't Stop

Puck was running late. He'd had to take three showers and pick up something cold to put on his junk to try to quench the jew-fire that was burning in his pants.

When he pulled into the lot at school he'd seen Rachel running through the snow to her car. Since he was already late he followed her and saw that she was wearing Uggs and a ridiculously short skirt. He couldn't help but wonder if she was wearing spanks under them.

He skidded up to her, accidently slamming into her, pinning her between him and the car.

"Noah!" Rachel squeaked. "What are you doing? Is that- is that a slushie?!?" she gasped as she looked at the giant cup in his hand.

He nodded shakily. "Grape. Your favorite."

"Is it for me?" Rachel asked cautiously.

Puck shook his head tersely. "I uh, I need it for something."

If at all possible Rachel looked even more, "Noah Puckerman, if you are about to tell me you need it to give me a slushie bath, you'll excuse me if I don't-"

"It's not for that," he grunts interrupting her by placing his hand over her mouth.

She narrows her eyes before licking his hand and nibbling on his fingers.

His eyes widen and he almost yanks his hand away before grinning. "Shit, Rachel. You know what that does to me."

Her eyes narrow further as she realizes he's laughing at her. "What? Don't tell me you don't remember how hard that- Eouch! Rach! What the fuck?!? You bit me!" Puck jerks his hand away so fast he almost spills the slushie on them both.

"You promised Noah! It was your choice," she spits out as she flares her nostrils, and stabs him with an angry finger, "you PROMISED never to bring up Before."

He holds his hand up to his face to see if she'd broken his skin, only to have her smack his hand into his face. "Crap! Rachel that hurt!"

Suddenly she starts hitting him over and over again and not in a girly way, in a 'don't fuck with me cause I know karate way.' Which he knew that she did know because they'd taken it together "Before."

Without thinking he threw his hands up to protect himself- and instead he gave them both a grape slushie bath.

"Noah! You are an immature miscreant of the lowest order and a discredit to our people" she huffed, "I cannot believe I ever let you-"

"Let me?!? Let me?!? You begged me Rachel Nicole Berry! You begged me over and over. Especially when I got you on your knees and bent you over-

The slap and the scream that accompanied it were both so epic that Puck would later swear they made his nuts retract.

For a minute they both just stood there until finally he pulled her into his arms as he opened the door to her car. "Come on," he said gruffly. "We need to go get changed."

He knew she was crying. He could always tell, even if she wasn't shaking or making any noise. It killed him inside that now it was his fault that she was crying, and that it had been her fault for a very, very long time.

He didn't want to look down at her but he knew that he had to in order to prove to himself that he was different now. Puck looked down at the Midget. He pushed her hair out of her face. "Baby look at me."

With eyes closed she shook her head no.

"Rachel I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said just now. And I'm sorry I gave us both a slushie bath even if you look hot as shit right now," Puck said softly.

"You promised Noah," she sniffled as she tried to push him away, still not looking at him.

"Yeah well I realized that was a mistake which I'm currently trying to rectify," Puck said cracking his neck slowly.

Rachel looked up at him and sneered at him. "Do you even know what 'rectify' means?"

"To reform, reclaim, regenerate. To bring, lead, or force to abandon a wrong or evil course of life, conduct, and adopt a right one," Puck said with a smirk.

She was so shocked that she let him push her into the passenger seat of her car and didn't object as he buckled her in.

Neither of them had broken the silence when they pulled into her driveway seventeen minutes later.

Puck rubbed his sticky hawk and looked over at her. "Speak to me."

"Read my mind," she said giving him a dry look.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. He just looked at her for a minute.

Rachel rolled her eyes and got out of the car. When she got to the front door it took her a minute of fumbling before she looked back at him with frustration radiating out of every pore of her being.

Puck sat in the car and waved the keys at her. He tried not to flinch as she started stalking toward him. He got out of the car quietly and met her in the driveway.

"I'm loosing sleep over you," he said as he let her pull the keys out of his hands.

Rachel rolls her eyes and stomps back toward the house. "Shut up Puckerman and get in the house before someone sees you and tells Dad and Daddy."

They entered the house together and Puck watched her disarm the security alarm. "I see you haven't changed the security code."

"Why would we?" Rachel asked as she looked over her shoulder at him.

Puck felt himself twitch as his words from the parking lot echoed in his mind. Unfortunately Rachel realized what he was thinking and quickly turned around, but not before he saw the blush creep up her face.

"I miss you. I'm sorry I've been an asshole," Puck said softly, closing the gap between them and placing his hand on her shoulder.

She rested her head against the wall not looking at him. "I thought we went through this a few weeks ago during our last interlude."

"English Berry," he said as he pushed her hair aside to expose her neck.

She almost chuckled. "What happened to your newly enhanced vocabulary?"

"I can't think when I'm around you cause you have everything I could ever want," he whispered in her ear.

"Again I repeat, why didn't you mention any of this a few weeks ago?" Rachel shivered, feeling Puck's breath on her neck.

"I thought if… we could start over. That's what you wanted right? What we agreed to." Puck dropped a single kiss on her neck in the place that he absolutely knew would give him the time he needed to make her remember Before.

She would have tried to shrug him off, but it was _that_ spot. It was so _that_ spot that he hadn't touched it in the fall. If he had… neither of them would have been able to pretend anymore.

He doubted she realized what she was doing, but she tilted her head to give him more access even as she said "You closed the door on Before when you threw the slushie. You LAUGHED at me Noah."

Puck flexed his hand and tried not to fuck this up. Again. "I told you I was throwing it at the Jizzstain."

"If it was an accident then why did you laugh? I was just talking to Daniel. And somehow that was enough for you to decide that what we had wasn't real."

He could feel the old anger and frustration rising. "It was hysterical laughter. I couldn't help it. You know how I used to get."

She turned around in his arms and looked him square in the eyes. She was always braver than him. "If it was a mistake then why… you… you broke my heart."

"I didn't mean to baby. I was… _he'd_ just left. And I knew we weren't… you were still mad at me. You were going to leave me too. I fucked up."

"It was my BIRTHDAY Noah. God I was so stupid. I knew I shouldn't have given you a second chance but I trusted you. You need to stop."

He wanted to hit something. He wanted to hit himself. Instead he traced a finger down her cheek. It had been a year but they hadn't talked about this since that night. "I just can't stop. Lord I can't stop. I'm loosing sleep over you."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You said that already."

"It's true," he growled. "I dream about you all the time."

"Then why did you fuck Santana?" she choked.


	3. Running Up That Hill Part 1

A/N: Short update today. I'm having a hard time developing a back-story that allows me to keep the events of this story unfolding in "real" time. I really wanted to keep Rachel a sophomore and Puck- well let's assume he's a junior. But in order to keep Rachel from being a tweenage nymphomaniac I've had to manipulate things a lot more than I'd anticipated. Sigh. R/R please!

Chapter 3 – Running Up That Hill

_Shit. I'd so rather be run ladders for Coach Tanaka till I puked than answer Berry on this one. But the chick had voodoo powers. No way I could duck this question any longer. _"Because I was an idiot. I was angry that my dad had just ditched us. I was scared that you were going to leave me too. I'd just got you back and I was scared shitless," I ground out. "If I only could-"

Without warning Berry shoved me as hard as she could and I'm on my ass faster than a cougar after happy hour.

"Damn it Rachel enough with the Chris Brown shit already!" I said as I struggled to get up.

"Are you fucking telling me that you slept with Santana on _my _birthday after I forgave you for throwing a slushie on me in the middle of the hallway _because_ you were afraid that I'd break up with you?" she shrieked as she stalked toward me.

"And excuse me but how exactly does your dad being an asshole even begin to give you an excuse to act like one too?"

"Swearing is unbecoming Rachel," I said trying to lighten the mood. I could tell by the way that she threw her keys at me that it didn't work. I backed into the living room to keep out of her reach. "Rachel… C'mon baby…"

"Don't you DARE 'baby' me Noah Puckerman!" she bit out. "For once in your life be a man and give me a straight answer. What were you thinking?!?"

"I was thinking… I was thinking that… I just. I needed to know that someone still wanted me. Even if my dad didn't and even if you didn't really. Come on Rach, you were finally- Shit. We both know you didn't need me any more. You were finally back in school and around guys who didn't drool all over themselves all day. It was only a matter of time till you figured out that I wasn't good enough for you."

All of a sudden she stopped chasing me around her living room and sort of just… deflated. She stared at me like I'd just said the Yankees were underpaid for like an hour before she sat down on the couch.

"I loved you Noah," she whispered drawing her knees in to her chest and burying her face in her hands. I could tell she was trying not to start crying again. "Always."

"But you didn't. Not always. Not till you started getting the headaches," I said as I sat on the floor just out of kicking range. "You wouldn't go out with me when you were still going to Carmel."

Rachel looks at me and shakes her head. "First, I never wanted to go to Carmel. I always wanted to go to McKinley with you, but at the time Dad and Daddy thought that the performing arts program at Carmel had more to offer. Looking back now I can see that they were right, but I didn't appreciate that during my three weeks there. Second, I was 14. You know Dad and Daddy didn't approve of my being in a serious relationship that young." She took a brief pause and looked at me, "Third, I kissed you for the first time after your bar mitzvah. Fourth-"

"Argh!" I cut in. "All right, I get it. You don't think your brain tumor is what gave you the hots for me."


	4. Running Up That Hill Part 2

A/N- I'm happier with the direction things are unfolding now. I'll probably rewrite this mini-chapter later, but I thought I'd post what I have as a thank you to all of you who've been adding alerts &/or submitting reviews. If you keep it up, so will I!

Running Up That Hill Part 2

Rachel flinched at the words "_brain_ _tumor." _They never said those words in her house. They never talked about the year she was out of school. Of her headaches, her mood swings, her seizures, or her blackouts. They never talked about how even before the surgery she'd been too sick to sing, too weak to dance. They never talked about how Noah had shaved his head for the first time on the same day she had. And they never ever talked about how something had gone wrong on the table and it had taken her months of rehab to get back to normal.

If she was honest with herself, she'd admit that she was glad that some of her memories of that time were fuzzy. It embarrassed her how weak she'd been. How she'd had to rely on those around her for everything. She remembered how awful she'd felt, and how scared she'd been that she'd die. She'd never told anyone that, not even Noah and she'd told him everything else. He'd been her everything then.

It hadn't started off that way of course. They'd been friends since the first day of Hebrew school when they were both four years old. As they years passed their relationship had started to change and they'd flirted the way tweenagers do, but it had been innocent and pure. He'd been her first kiss the night of his bar mitzvah. When he'd asked her to be his girlfriend the summer after eighth grade she'd wanted to say yes but her fathers had set very clear rules about dating and boys.

But somehow Noah had gotten her parents to toss those rules out the window after she'd gotten sick.

He'd been amazing. Everyone but Noah had been surprised when he'd started coming to her house every day after school even before she'd been diagnosed. At first he'd used the excuse of dropping off her homework for her. He'd catch the bus from McKinley to Carmel, pick up her assignments, and then catch the bus to her house. Later when it was clear that something more was going on and she'd been forced to take a leave of absence he'd come straight from school to sit with her and keep her company. Sometimes they'd play video games, sometimes he'd read to her, and other times he'd just sit on the floor next to her bed and play his guitar as she shivered under her comforter after a particularly vicious round of treatment.

The funny thing was that before she'd gotten sick, Rachel had just liked singing and dancing. It was Noah who'd made her fall in love with them. Music and the theater didn't become her life until he'd shown her how she could loose herself in them. Pretending to be someone else had been easier than living her own life. Her obsession with fame had emerged after her love of musical theater and was rooted in the fear that she'd die before anyone had known she'd even really lived. She needed to be a star so she'd always be remembered. She'd needed Noah because he made her remember that she was alive.


	5. I Want You To Want me

A/N_: Sorry for the delay. I've been traveling a lot over the past few days. And to be quite honest I've been having performance anxiety. I mean have you read some of the other amazing stories out there? I mean seriously. Fox would be lucky to have some of you on staff._ _Anyway on with the show. And as always please r&r!_

Biting my lip nervously, I stared at Noah and tried to formulate a response to his outburst.

"Say something Rachel," Noah whispered as he sat beside me on the couch and took my hands in his.

He started tracing the letters of his name on my palms with his thumbs and I couldn't help but shiver. "You know I can't think when you do that," I said as I half- heartedly tried to pull away.

He gave me a sad grin but didn't stop what he was doing. "Maybe you should stop thinking so hard and just feel." He leaned over and licked _that spot_ on my neck with just the very tip of his tongue then moved a millimeter away before telling me that he loved me. I could feel his lips forming the words and the heat of them scorched my damp skin. He leaned back in to me and nibbled on my suddenly hypersensitive skin. "Do you want me baby? I want you to want me."

I had to close my eyes then and concentrate on breathing. I could feel the emotions that I had so deliberately packed away try to rip down the wall of indifference I'd hid them behind. I'd lived without this for so long, but now I couldn't remember why. "Puck," I moaned in a voice so soft and reedy that I didn't recognize it.

I could feel him grin then. We both knew he'd won. When it was just the two of us I always called him Noah unless…

"You like that baby?" he growled as he pulled me on to his lap.

"This is madness," I groaned as I gave him better access. "Five minutes ago I wanted to castrate you for your actions of over a year ago.

"And now you're straddling me, aren't you baby?" He slipped one hand under the back of my sweater and raked his short nails down my back.

I hate that he remembers that upon occasion I found it stimulating when he addresses me in an overly frank and less than respectful way. Or as Noah liked to say, "Baby girl likes it badass." Please don't be mistaken. As a liberated modern woman raised by two homosexual fathers, I abhor the misogynistic aspects of our male-dominated culture. But sometimes, when Puck talked dirty to me I couldn't help but respond. Not always mind you as I _am_ a lady. But sometimes I wanted to fuck Puck, not make love to Noah. I'm a teenager. I have hormones.

Noah stared into my eyes as he traced his name on the small of my back with the fingernails of his left hand and massaged my ass with his right. I closed my eyes and leaned toward him so that our foreheads touched. I shuddered and very deliberately ground myself against him, smiling to myself as I heard him groan.

"Baby you're killing me," he growled as he slipped his hand up under my skirt. "Do you remember what it's like to need me? It's been too long since I was inside you. Do you remember that? I need you to need me."

"We're supposed to be talking ah- about what happened Before," I say shakily as I offer him my neck again. "Not reenacting it."

"I was an insecure idiot." He paused to suckle on _that_ spot before continuing, "I was feeling all alone without a friend and I fucked things up. And then I broke it off because I didn't want to see you crying. I knew I didn't deserve you and didn't want to hurt you anymore." He sounded so… regretful that it almost broke my heart. Or it would have, if I hadn't been on fire.

Before I could respond I felt Noah's fingers snake under my panties and brush against my bare skin. I let out a squeak, and without thinking my thighs tightened against his as I twisted my hips up and away from the overwhelming sensation. My eyelids squeezed shut and I had to grab onto his shoulders and ball my fists in his shirt to keep my balance.

"It's…" I tried to speak but I couldn't. Everything about Noah stilled for a moment. Without removing his fingers he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. Then he pulled his head back just slightly and I could feel him staring at me as he gripped my hip with his free hand and then slowly but deliberately begin to stroke me with his fingers. His touch was gentle but insistent and his gaze never waivered. I knew I was blushing and refused to open my eyes.

The first time we were involved it hadn't occurred to me to be embarrassed by how quickly and completely I responded to him. At the time I'd assumed that it was normal to react that intensely. High school sex-ed had made me realize that what Noah and I had Before was the exception, not the rule.

When we'd dallied for the second time a few weeks ago it hadn't been like this at all. By unspoken agreement we'd kept things superficial. We'd been using each other to forget. For my part I hadn't been able to bring myself to touch Noah the way I knew he liked to be touched. I hadn't wanted things to escalate past a few stolen kisses or public embraces.

But this time it was clear that Noah was trying to use my body to make me remember.


	6. I Wanna Sex You Up

A/N: Thank you all for reading my little story. Double thanks to those of you who've added an alert/or tagged either the story or myself as a favorite. Tripple thanks to those who've reviewed. Quadruple thanks to anyone who has tagged AND reviewed. And quintuple thanks to those fine few who have reviewed more than once and/or submitted multi-sentence reviews. I'm an attention wh*re. There I said it.

I'd like to offer a "reader feedback challenge" as a reward to those of you who've reviewed and/or added it/me to your alerts. Please include your favorite quote(s) from this season in your next review. I'll try to incorporate as many quotes as I can in the next two chapters from each of these categories: a)"one-liners," b) "puck-rachel exchange," c) "puckism," d) "berryism," or e) random non-glee quote from pop-culture that really belongs in the gleeverse. If a quote gets posted more than three times than it will automatically make it in. Also –if it's not too much trouble- it'd be helpful if you can include the category, the person who spoke the line (if it isn't obvious) and the episode and/or context if you remember it. Mahalo!Ch

Chapter 6- I Wanna Sex You Up

"It's what babe?" Puck asked his once and hopefully future girlfriend as she writhed against his probing digits. "Is it as good as you remembered? Do you like it when I touch you like this?"

The sight of her like this made him ache. She'd been her first and she his. The year that had passed since he'd broken it off with her had felt more like 10. They'd both gone a little crazy and become caricatures of themselves. He'd gone from world's best boyfriend and undercover stud to the biggest asshole on the football team doing what he wanted, when he wanted, and where he wanted and with whomever he wanted. He'd been man-whore, sleeping with fourteen other women and messed around with a dozen more. She'd gone from the quiet girl in your music class to the prissy uptight uber gleek who stuck gold stars after her name and got slushied on a regular basis.

"Puck," Rachel whimpered as he pulled her hips down hard against his busy fingers. He felt her shiver again as he guided her, setting her body into motion, encouraging her to grind against his had in a way that gave him better access to her hot wet folds.

He ran his tongue flat over _that_ spot, grazed it once, twice, three times with his teeth and then sucked HARD, making sure to mark his territory as he slipped one finger into her. "Was it like this when you touched yourself?" he growled into her ear before nipping the lobe a little roughly.

As he spoke the words he felt her body spasm with excitement from the inside out. Rachel buried her face into the crook of his neck. He could feel her nose getting smashed down in her attempt to bury herself in the hollow of his collarbone. She tried to say his name but her first attempt was far from successful and all she managed was a keen "Nyaaah-" before a full-blown moan erupted from her delicate lips.

He felt like a Quileute about to jump out of his skin, but Puck forced himself to concentrate on his mission. He knew from his own experience that their love was like woah. He'd spent the last year chasing the dragon with anything with legs, but no matter how much pussy he got while they were apart, nothing in this world could compare to this moment right now. Berry hadn't even touched his junk yet and this was still better than any of the nasty shit Santa had ever let him do to her. All he had to do now was get Rachel re-addicted to him and he'd have her back.

"Rachel," he coaxed firmly. "Open your eyes and look at me babe." He couldn't help but smile when he felt her shake her head no in denial. "Berry look at me or I'm going to have to stop slipping you my digits." Puck slowed the motion of the hand under her skirt and awkwardly pressed a kiss on her shoulder.

"Puck please," Rachel moaned without moving her head. "Don't stop. I'm so fraking close." She ground her hips against his hand in frustration. "Please!"

If he were a weaker man he'd have disgraced himself at that moment. But he was a badass and badasses don't leave cum stains in their own underwear. They leave them in their girlfriend's.

"Rachel I want to see your berries," he coaxed using their old pet name for her breasts. He'd always called them her tits in his head, but somehow he could never bring himself to call them that to her face even if it totally made him stand at attention on the rare occasion she would use that word when they were fooling around. Rachel was a stickler for language and he figured it was smarter not to use the word at all than to risk saying it at a time it would kill the mood for her. Plus tits were something that guys seemed only to say in porn or at strip clubs. He and Rachel may have tried some kinky shit back in the day, but she was more than a sex object to him.

Puck started to pull his hand out of her panties and for the second time that afternoon Rachel tried to trap it with her thighs. Only this time instead of trying to keep it away from her she was trying to keep it on her. Puck kept his body completely still as he waited for Rachel to get herself together and regain some motor control. He repeated his request again as soon as he thought she could process it. "I want to see your berries Rachel. Will you take your top off for me baby?" He ramped up the level of his aural seduction game and kept going. "I promise I won't just look. I can make this even better Rachel. Don't you want me to touch you baby? I want to touch you. I want to taste every inch of your berries Rachel. I want to nibble on your nipples till you beg me to-"

And then it happened. Rachel Nicole Berry pulled a Finn Hudson and came without even taking her undies off.


	7. Prelude

Chapter Seven – Prelude

A/N- It's not much but here's a mini update to help you through till I can get you something more substantial. Also anything in italics occurred _Before._

------

For one shining moment Rachel saw stars. Her heartbeat and breathing faded away and she was adrift, lost in the seemingly unending series of waves that washed through her, over her, and in her. She felt the tickle between her brows as her eyes rolled up to the back of her head. She felt the tingling in her toes and her fingers that somehow mirrored the sensation you get when your appendages "fall asleep." She used to describe to Noah as her limbs "waking up" because it was the same only different. Instead of things going dead, they were coming alive.

Rachel bit her lower lip as she slowly drifted back to consciousness. The realization that her legs were now wrapped around his waist as he carried her up the stairs and to her room should have bothered her, but she was incredibly sleepy. She always got tired after she came.

It was actually one of the reasons that had propelled them so quickly and deeply into a sexual relationship. Despite feeling tired almost all the time, she'd had a hard time falling asleep when she was sick. They'd been kissing by then. Mostly chaste stuff, but sometimes things would get a little heated for a moment, but neither of them had ventured under the other's clothing or let their hands travel south of the equator.

She remembered yawning into his kiss that afternoon. They'd been sitting on the couch watching MTV. She'd turned to ask him something and he'd kissed her. Her heart had started to race but then she'd ruined the moment by yawning into his lips. He'd teased her about it, asking if she counted kisses these days instead of sheep to help her fall asleep. She'd just rolled her eyes and said she would if she could. The doctors had just told her that day that if she didn't start getting at least 8 hours of sleep every day on her own they were going to have to start her on some sleeping pills.

"_Why don't you just, you know, rub one out?" Puck asked, clearing his throat half way through so his voice won't break. Sure it had changed right after eighth grade but sometimes it acted up. Like when he was with Rachel. Talking about sex. She wondered if Noah knew she knew why he cleared his throat. It was too cute a thing for her to ask him about though, so she knew she'd never ask._

_It took her a second to understand what he was getting at, and when she did Rachel wrinkled her nose and turned away because her face suddenly felt like it was on fire. She bumped his shoulder with hers so he'd know she wasn't making the face at him but at the idea. "Can girls even do that? I mean can we 'rub one out' like boys do? Doesn't that mean like- you know- guy specific stuff?"_

_He cleared his throat again. "You know what I mean. Just… try it. You'll sleep like a baby after." _

_She snorted and looked at him. (Snorting was considered an undignified and inferior form of expression in the Berry household, but somehow when she was with Puck it seemed normal and appropriate.) "First of all, as an older brother you know better than I do that babies don't sleep as well as that expression makes it sound like they do. Secondly I doubt highly that the reason for said expression has anything to do with masturbation. And thirdly… it's not as easy for girls as it is for guys."_

"_So you're saying you don't touch yourself?" Noah asked with a smirk. "Don't lie. I'll know if you lie Rachel. You walked in on me last summer so you already know I do, so don't even try to tell me it's too embarrassing to admit."_

"_Whatever Noah. I'm barely fifteen. This is SO not a conversation I should be having with my boyfriend or best friend with benefits or whatever it is you are since we haven't actually discussed the terms and labels of our relationship." She knew she was being loquacious, but he was making her nervous and when she was nervous she talked. "But regardless of our social status, no I don't really…"_

_Rachel snuck a look over at him and then turned her attention back to the television. Puck was staring at her like she was the most fascinating thing on the planet. She could tell he was genuinely curious because for once his face didn't harbor a hint of mischief. He almost looked disappointed though and she was surprised to see she felt like she let him down by not being 100% open and honest. She sighed and ripped her eyes from the television and looked back at him._

"_Okay fine, I've tried it. I just…" Rachel wanted to crawl up and die right now, but Noah still looked so darn fascinated with her and while she'd never admit it, she kind of liked it. It made her feel like the most important person in his world. So she sucked up her embarrassment and forged ahead. "Anyways Noah I don't think I'm doing it right because it's never… It's not as good as when we… I don't think it's going to help me fall asleep, okay?" _

_Suddenly that hint of mischief was back and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I would totally be willing to offer my services if you think I could do it better than you. If it helps, don't think of it as fooling around, think of it as getting your daily dose of love from your holistic healer." He leaned in and stole three kisses, each successively longer and more intense than the last. "And PS not only am I your primary care physician, but I'm totally your boyfriend now and you know it." _


	8. Dream A Little Dream of Me Part 1

Chapter Eight

Not wanting to take his hands off her for a second, Puck quietly pushed the door to Rachel's room open with his left foot. He could tell from the fact she let him carry her up the stairs without bitching him out that Rachel was already drifting off. Puck had learned he'd been lucky that she turned narco after he tapped her inner nympho. In the year they'd been apart he'd gotten real tired of the post-game show that most chicks tried to pull after he'd given them an express ride up the stairway to heaven.

Of course he knew it made him a pussy but he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking about as he leaned down awkwardly to turn down the sheets with one hand before gently placing her on the bed. If he hadn't realized he was already fucked where she was concerned, he'd have been sweating balls right now.

For the first time since the Before time he decided not to press his advantage. He tucked her in and grabbed the remote for the thermostat that she kept on the nightstand and turned down the heat. It was one of her quirks- she liked to keep it cold in her room at night so she could snuggle under the blankets. He turned back planning to kiss her forehead, jot a quick note to let her know she better get used to the fact that he considered them back together, and then slip away so she could get a good night's sleep without giving himself terminal blue balls. He was badass enough to know he wasn't running away, he was just giving her space. He was totally going to blow up her phone with texts and voicemails cause even he'd seen enough ABC Family to know that he needed a backup plan in case the note got lost.

But all his good intentions melted away when he saw her looking up at him with a lazy smile on her face. He loved that smile cause it meant he was taking care of her. She had a hundred different smiles, but this one was one of his. She only smiled like that for him, and only after he'd managed to chill her the fuck out after a rough day. And it wasn't one that he'd seen in over a year.

"Hey there sleepy," he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey," she yawned as she reached out and took his hand shyly.

Brushing her hair out of her face, he leaned down to place that kiss on her forehead "I told you rubbing one out would make you sleep like a baby."

She blushed a little and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I ever fell for that line."

"Are you questioning my badassness Berry?" He grinned and squeezed her hand gently to let her know he loved her. "And it isn't a line if it's true. I mean it kept you off the special sauce didn't it?"

She gave a little huff and pursed her lips. "If by 'special sauce' you mean sleeping pills, then yes, sexual stimulation did turn out to be a good alternative."

He could tell she was trying to sound put out, but he could tell he was still in her good graces by the way her fingers were playing with his. He was totally back in the game. "You know," he paused to lean down and kiss her nose before continuing, "it's okay-" He paused again to kiss her left eyebrow, "if you loved it Babe." He kissed her right eyebrow, "cause I loved it too." He smiled at her almost shyly, kissed her gently on the lips, and braced himself before telling her the truth of him. "I know you don't want to hear it Rachel, but I meant what I said downstairs. I really do still love you."

She stared at him, her eyes searching his face so intently he wondered if she was aware that he was stroking her check with the hand that wasn't holding hers. Puck knew that if he had tried to tell her he loved her pre-sexcapade she'd have either laughed at him in disbelief or kicked him in his baby-maker.

Instead she just looked up at him and said in a soft, shaky voice, "If you're fucking with me right now Noah, I will Lorena Bobbit you so completely that Drizzle will be the only fruit you ever loom."

He grinned at her, his voice just as shaky. "Yeah I knew it. You totally love me too."

She snorted before pushing back the covers and pulling him toward her. "Shut up and get in to bed Puckerman. I'm tired and all I want to do is sleep with you."

Puck smirked and raised an eyebrow as he crawled in next to her. "As you wish."

Rachel blushed a little but couldn't help but sigh contently as he spooned her. "That's not what I meant. You're obsessed Noah. Maybe you should go talk to Ms. Pillsbury. You know she's who they made Brittney talk to when they found out she was keeping a bird in her locker." She yawned again and felt her eyes droop closed.

Noah gave a sympathy yawn and kissed her head one last time. "Go to sleep Rachel. We can argue about how horny I make you when you wake up."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Rachel woke up an hour later to the sound of her front door slamming shut. She was alone, which meant that Noah… She lay there for a moment, trying to decide if she was relieved or saddened. If she were being honest with herself, she'd admit to being both. She knew she missed what they'd had Before, but the last year had been purgatory. As a Jew she knew she'd had a high tolerance for suffering bread in to her by necessity, but the thing was that Jews weren't actually supposed to believe in purgatory.

Stretching her arms above her head, Rachel yawned and got ready to get out of bed. Glancing over at the clock she saw that it was only 12:15. School had barely even started when she'd left. She wondered if anyone had seen the two of them drive away in her car. Wait, they'd taken her car, which meant Noah's truck was still in the parking lot. If Noah's truck was still at school, then how-

Two short blasts of a car horn sounded, interrupting her thoughts before they spiraled out of control. Rachel hopped out of bed and went to look out her window. She got there just in time to see Noah walking to the curb to meet his truck and Mike's Forerunner as they pulled up in front of her house. Noah was rubbing his hands together, obviously cold without his jacket on. She couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but she saw the driver turn in his seat and reach behind him as he got out of the cab. It was Matt, but the angle was wrong so Rachel couldn't quite make out what he had in his hands.

For a split second Rachel was _very _concerned that there were apparently two truckloads of football players outside of her house. She was almost dizzy with relief when she realized that Matt was pulling Noah's guitar out of the truck – and not, as she originally thought, a carton of eggs.

After their nap together and the… "Incident" downstairs, Rachel almost felt guilty for assuming the worst of Noah and her fellow Glee club members. Yet while she may have forgiven his cohorts for the worst of their pranks, but she had by no means forgotten them. And Noah… she wasn't sure if she'd truly forgiven him for breaking her heart.

She'd been so in love with him. He'd been her world for nearly a year. They'd survived her illness and the weeks of radical and debilitating treatments. They'd survived the months of grueling rehab sessions and the unforeseen setbacks.

Then she'd gotten better and joined him at McKinley and everything changed. They hadn't had any classes together because he'd moved on to his sophomore year and she was a freshman again. They hadn't meant to keep their relationship on the down low, it had just sort of… happened. And after that, well, just a few days of high school drama had been enough to break them up.

It honestly hadn't been the slushie. She hadn't understood that whole thing, but she'd given him the benefit of the doubt. If he could laugh off of the time she'd accidently thrown up on him, she'd been willing to laugh off the slushie even if it had been embarrassing. But then he'd slept with Santana on Rachel's birthday. That hadn't been just embarrassing, it had been humiliating.

He'd come to her the day after he'd cheated and admitted what he'd done. She could tell that he was genuinely sorry by the fact that he'd broken down and cried during his apology. She'd asked him why he'd done it and at the time he hadn't been able to explain it. Rachel had been too shocked and hurt to connect Noah's cheating with his father's departure. At fifteen how could she have comprehended that his father's abandonment would shatter him the way it did?

Rachel had been so blinded by her devotion to him that she hadn't realized he was just as insecure as she was. She'd been painfully skinny, awkward, and self-conscious. She was fragile both physically and emotionally when she'd transferred to McKinley to re-start her freshman year. Noah was smart, popular, athletic and artistic so what could he possibly have felt insecure about?

The twisted part was that Noah had been there for her through what should have been the worst year of her life. He'd been there for everything. Though at first they'd thought she'd only have to sit out a semester, the complication's she'd suffered during the operation had resulted in what her doctor's had called "a major deficit." She spent the spring and nearly all of the summer re-learning skills she'd taken for granted.

He'd never faltered then. He'd been patient, supportive, and loving. He'd called her out on it when she'd thrown tantrums and he'd reassured her when she told him she was scared. He'd played catch with her as part of her physical therapy, and done a thousand hours of flash cards with her as she tried to build her vocabulary back up so that she could make sense of the squiggles on the page that she knew used to be words. Most importantly Noah had made her feel beautiful and alive when she'd felt hideous and sickly. He'd never faltered, not once.

He'd known how to be her boyfriend when she was sick. He'd known how to be her boyfriend when she was healing. But in a weird way he hadn't known how to just be her boyfriend. He hadn't known how to let himself need her help. It had given him, she supposed, a sort of mini-identity crisis. She was sure they could have gotten past it except then his father had left and Noah had become a son without a father. The mini-crisis had become a major-crisis then.

Looking back on it now, she wondered if his parents had been having problems for a while. Maybe the reason he'd been so willing to spend every waking moment at her place was because he didn't want to be at his. Maybe the reason he went out of his way to be whatever she needed was because he felt unwanted in his own home. And maybe he'd been just as worried about not being good enough for her as she'd been worried about being good enough for him.

Another blast of a car horn brought her attention back to the present. She looked down and saw Noah gesturing for her to open the window.

"Yes Noah?" she asked as she waved hello somewhat hesitantly to the other football players.

"Matt and Mike are going to the mall to pick up some lunch before heading back to campus. We could go with them if you like," Noah said as he placed his guitar case on his shoes and rubbed his arms.

Rachel smiled but shook her head no. "I appreciate the offer Noah, but as I'm going to have to convince my parents that I was ill today, it probably wouldn't be prudent to go to the mall at this juncture."

She thought for a moment that she saw him grin that "I'm so going to give it to you now" grin of his, but it was gone before she could be sure. Instead he just shrugged his shoulders, picked up his guitar, and turned back to face the boys. "You heard the woman boys, I'm on lock down. Go have a couple of burgers in my memory, will you?"

The guys nodded and waved goodbye to both of them and drove off. Rachel closed the window and headed back downstairs. She heard the front door open and close as Noah let himself back into the house. She was about to ask him what he wanted for lunch when she saw him and all conscious thought disappeared.

Somehow in the 15 seconds it had taken her to walk down the stairs he had managed to strip down to his boxers and his gym sox.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N- Sorry for the delay between posts. I was on vacation. I never thought I'd say this, but thank YHWH that's over. Also I had picked two different sappy angsty songs to use as inspiration for this chapter but in the end neither of them fit. I'm not so sure that this one fits either, but I'm obsessed with it right now so let's pretend it does. (Even though the vocal range really reminds me more of Artie, and the fact that the hook includes the words "sister" frankly weirds me out a little.)

Also there's good news and bad news. The good news is that this update is longer than most of the others. The bad news is that this installment cuts off before we get to the fun bits. Sorry but it's late and I really needed to go to bed.

Chapter 10 – Hey, Soul Sister

"What… Why… What?" Rachel fumbled as she stared at me from the stairs.

She's cute when she's about to freak out, but I don't really have time to spool her up right now. I look over at her as I bend down and pick up the clothes I just dropped at my feet. "Can I throw my clothes in the washer Rachel? They're still kinda sticky and I don't want that purple shit to stain 'em."

Rachel relaxes visibly as she figures out that's why I'm practically starkers in the middle of her living room. She nods once and waits for me on the third step because the laundry room is upstairs.

Since I know she's not expecting it I wrap my free arm around her waist and pull her to me for a kiss. I try to keep it gentle, to show her I'm not only in this for the nookie, but I don't let her break it off until after I coax a soft whimper from her. "Morning sleepyhead," I whisper as I rest my forehead against hers.

She draws in a shaky breath and I can feel her blushing as she sort of whispers her reply. "Hi." I've missed this. I used to love when she'd get shy like this. She's more real like this- more vulnerable and honest. Sure she comes off as a cross between Tracy Flick and Whitney Houston during the Bobby Brown years, but when she's like this I so don't want to set myself on fire. I know it's my fault she's not like this more. It wasn't just Santana I fucked on Rachel's birthday last year. I broke Rachel. And that broke me.

I kiss Rachel's nose and smile as she leans in to kiss me. It's the first time she's initiated a kiss since I told her I still love her. She chews on my lower lip like she's starving and wraps her arms around my neck. I growl when she rubs her hands through the `hawk.

"Babe if you're making it hella hard not to throw you down and fuck you right here." I say into her ear. "And the last time I did that you were black and blue for a month."

She snorts and pulls away a little reluctantly. "The last time my blood cell counts were shit."

"Are you questioning my badassness?" I tease as I taker her hand and walk up the stairs.

"Whatever Noah. Do you want to borrow some clothes?" she asks as she opens the door to the laundry room.

"Maybe," I say nonchalantly. I use my ninja skills to make sure she's standing between the washing machine and me without her knowing what I'm up to. When she reaches up to the shelf and grabs one of those combination detergent and fabric softener sheets and starts the machine. I reach around her and drop my clothes in the washer. Once both of my hands are free I gently reach for the bottom of her sweater. I kiss her neck once and then broach my dope ass plan. "Or you could throw your clothes in with mine and we could take a shower together. I'll help you get sugar out of your hair if you help me get it out of mine."

She turns around slowly in my arms and stares at me for just long enough for me to get my hopes up. I can tell she's made her decision and I'm not going to like it before she says anything. I'd like to believe she actually considered it but I can tell she's totally not going to go for it.

Shit. I am totally not a badass. "Or we could each take our own showers and I could borrow some clothes for now."

Rachel smiles up at me like she's proud that I'm a weak ass punk with no game. If it had been a Cherrio who'd just shut me down I'd be pissed, but goddamn I can't resist this girl so I just grin back, take the towel she hands me and head toward the shower in the guest bedroom. When did I turn in to Finn?

Eight minutes later I walk back to the laundry room to throw my socks in with the rest of my clothes. And totally walk in on Rachel wearing just a matching bra and panty set as she tosses her own slushie covered clothing in with mine.

Some of the strangling noises that I thought I was making in my head must have slipped out because Rachel jumped a little and turned to face me. "Noah what are you doing here? I thought you were going to take a shower."

"I am. I mean I did. I'm done. My socks…" Seriously, when the fuck did Hudson invade my body?

"Oh that's right. You hate wearing dirty socks." Rachel reached out and took my socks from me and tossed them in with everything else before closing the lid to the washing machine.

"Rachel you're fucking _hot._" I growl before stalking toward her.

I'm on predator mode now and my sense are jacked the fuck up. I see her pulse jumping in her throat between the two badass hickies I gave her earlier. I see her eyes go wide and her pupils dilate. I hear her breath catch in her throat and fucking _sense_ her squeeze her thighs together the way she does when she really wants to touch herself but doesn't want me to know about it.

"Noah… maybe we shouldn't. I didn't really mean for you to see me like this." She's forcing the words out. Trying to sound confident and commanding but I swear I see her nipples are getting harder with every step I take toward her.

"You never did let me see your berries downstairs when I had my fingers in you Rachel," I say as I stop three feet in front of her. It's further than I want to be but I need her to come to me this time. It has to be equal.

I watch her shiver again, watch her eyes roam over my body as she tries to avoid my gaze. I clench my pecks to make my nipple ring move just to see what she does.

Without realizing what she's doing Rachel reaches out and touches it. No one really knows this about Rachel but sometimes she has shit impulse control. Actually everyone kind of knows this, but they think it's cause she's a self-centered bitch. Let me be clear, I don't think she's a self-centered bitch, but if, and I'm not saying that it's true, but if she is a self-centered bitch then it's okay because she's MY self-centered bitch and there's nothing hotter than a girl who has the balls to go after what she wants.

I hiss as Rachel strokes my nipple and plays with the ring. The hiss catches her attention and her gaze jerks up and meets mine. Her eyes widen even more when she sees just how tightly she has me wound. She yanks her hand away as if it's burned.

"You don't have to stop," I say gruffly.

She blinks and shivers. She crosses her arms and rubs her hands up and down between her shoulders and her elbows. "You didn't have that Before."

I swallow and nod. "I got it after. I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea. Hurt like a fucking bitch though."

Rachel cocks her head to the side and looks back and forth between the nipple ring and my face. "Why?"

I shrug and try not to stare at her nipples as we discuss mine. "It seemed badass."

She snorts again. (I'm pretty sure I'm the only one she snorts for which probably should be weird but it is kinda hot.) "Sometimes you're an idiot. You know that right?"

"We talked about it once. Do you remember?" I ask her as I brush her bangs back so I can see her eyes more clearly.

She nods almost without thinking and blushes instantly. I'm surprised she could get any redder, but the fact that she did makes my dick twitch. _Fuck. I seriously should have jacked it in the shower. _

She clears her throat and starts to reach for the ring again before she stops herself.

I take her hand in mine and slowly lift her fingers to my mouth. My tongue snakes out and I lick her pointer finger and her thumb before pushing them together and then sucking gently on them. She shivers again and my cock rises past full mast.

"Tell me," I urge as I place her fingers back on my nipple ring.

She clears her throat a second time and stares at the ring for a second before she rolls my nipple hesitantly between her fingers. "We were watching a movie in my basement."

I can't keep the gruffness out of my voice when I push her on. "What kind of movie were we watching Rache?" God this is hot.

"Porn. We were watching porn. One of the movies you bought me when I told you I wanted to see what the big deal with pornography was."

Rachel's gaze was transfixed on the ring now. She was getting obsessed with it. I've known her since we were four and I've seen her get obsessed with things before. She'd been obsessed with the nipplerings we'd seen in the movies- both on guys and girls. That had been totally hot and probably the only reason I'd gotten it done last summer. We obviously hadn't been together then but the memory of her obsession had somehow filtered up into my spank-bank and I'd decided to get one. She didn't need to know that even if it would probably make her cream her panties right now.

"Do you remember the name of the movie Rachel?" I ask her as I push the straps of her bra to the edge of her shoulders and the move them back. Knowing I could totally have her naked right now if I tried is both awesome and terrible. I can give her a map and point her in the right direction, but I really fucking need her to be behind the wheel on this and not just along for the ride. Otherwise I'll wonder if she came back to me cause she's under my spell or cause she actually loves me. Seriously, my sex-fu is that strong.

Rachel leans forward like she wants to take the ring in her teeth but instead her tongue darts out and she licks me. I groan and think about Finn thinking about mailmen. It doesn't help.

Her hands are on my shoulders now as she tries to use me as an anchor. "What movie Rachel?" I ask again, trying to slow things down a little.

Rachel looks up at me and there's a trace of irritation on her face. "I don't know Noah, I didn't exactly memorize the titles. It's in my DVD wallet in the back of my closet if you really want to know."

Which means she totally knows what movie it was but there's no way she's going to cop to it.

I smirk and kiss her hard before I fuck it up and call her out on the fact that she kept the movie in the first place. And I'd lay money on that wallet being somewhere a lot easier to access than the back of her closet.


	11. Chapter 11 Bankrupt

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, alerts, & subscriptions. I haven't replied back to any of you directly, but I REALLY appreciate it. I used to find authors who held updates for ransom annoying but I totally get where they are coming from. (Admit it, can't you see Rachel doing the same thing?) That being said, you should all thank those who have posted reviews for making me decide to update instead of doing my taxes this afternoon. I was going to give you shout outs by name, but I started to overanalyze how I would do it- LIFO, FIFO, 1X/review, 1X total, extra thanks for longer reviews or for responding to the reader challenge. (And again, can't you see Rachel doing that as well?) I was making me want to set myself on fire so I decided to take advice from Puck instead of Rachel on this matter and use less words. The easiest and least neurotic way to say thank you was to just post. So this is me. Posting. Mahalo nui loa.

PS This post is also a thank you to all of you amazing authors who post both here and on LJ. If something you read tickles the back of your mind and makes you think of your own story, please be Gleeful and remember that imitation is the highest form of flattery. I tip my very blunt pen in deference to your sharp wits.

Chapter 11 – Bankrupt.

I could taste what he wasn't saying in the crush of his lips and the stroke of his tongue. He thinks he's so clever when he makes me eat the words he knows he shouldn't say when he feeds me his kiss. But I've known him since we were four. I can read _him_. And he is calling me a liar.

For a moment the heat I feel isn't sexual and my limbs twitch wanting to reach for him to punish, not pleasure. The fact that he's absolutely right is infuriating.

Amazingly I don't let his kiss drug me into submission. I gather all of my strength and shove him so hard he stumbles backward and bounces off the laundry room wall.

"Fuck Rachel! What the hell was that for?!" Puck growls.

"I'm not a liar!" I roar back at him. I can feel my hair flying wildly around my face as I jab his chest repeatedly as punctuation for each word.

He smirks. That foul loathsome little cockroach has the audacity to smirk at me. Without saying anything he arches an eyebrow and crosses his arms across his chest as he leans back against the wall.

I channel the immortal words of Mercedes Jones in response, "Oh hell to the fucking No!" Gritting my teeth I ball my hands at my sides and glare up at him. "Don't you dare smirk at me Noah Puckerman. I am NOT a liar!"

"But you're lying right now Rachel Berry," he says with faux solemnity. "You know exactly what the name of that movie was and I'd bet your father's collection of autographed Barbara Streisand memorabilia that the DVD is not in the back of your closet right now."

"Fuck," I hiss and lean back against the washing machine in defeat. I cross my own arms and turn to stare into the hallway so I don't have to meet his gaze.

"Tisk tisk Rachel. Profanity is the crutch of a lazy mind. And honesty truly is the best policy," he drawls as he takes a step toward me.

I really want to be angry with him right now. Anger is so much more enjoyable as an emotion than embarrassment. "I don't want to talk about it Noah."

He takes another deliberate step toward me. This time I know that he's trapping me between him and the washer. Just because I didn't call him on it twenty minutes ago doesn't mean I didn't figure it out. His "sex-fu" might be tight, but he is no ninja. That would require discipline and stealth. Noah Puckerman is wild and bombastic.

Noah leans in to my ear and asks, "Do you think of me when you watch it? Do you think of me when you touch yourself Rachel?" His voice is almost gentle, his words coaxing, the effect is irresistible.

"Yes," I sigh in relief as he presses his entire body up against me. I feel the long length of him press against the flat of my belly through his boxers and can't help but moan as he grinds himself against me. I should hate myself for being so weak for him but no one can resist him. He is a sex god among boys and my body burns to worship him.

"Yes what baby?" he asks stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers.

I know what he wants. He wants ME. The real me. The honest me. All of me. He wants me to share myself with him. And I want that too. I want to give all of myself to him because he wants it and I want it and I want us to be happy together because _I KNOW._ I know what its like to be happy with him.

"Yes I think of you when I watch it. I think of you when I touch myself." I look directly in to his eyes and lay myself at the alter of dignity in a sacrifice to him. "I couldn't think of him when I did it. I tried a few times but- he's not you. And it's always been you Noah."

Now it's his turn to widen his eyes in shock. I can tell he doesn't quite believe me. Why should he? If I was replaceable in bed, then why shouldn't he be?

"Finn. He's wonderful and I thought I could love him, but not because of Finn. He's… he's like you used to be Noah. Or he was before we hurt him. He reminded me of all the best parts of you Noah, and the best parts of me because- because I was my best when I was with you. But he's not you and though I could fool myself in the bright light of day, alone at night in my bed he just couldn't satisfy m-"

He cut me off with a kiss so brutal in its intensity that I knew my lips would still be swollen the next morning. I could taste all the things he wasn't saying, and this time it broke my heart just a little bit. He wanted to believe me and not just because of some misplaced male pride thing. He needed Saint Finn to be the one who didn't measure up in my eyes.

"I fucking love you Rachel," he groaned when he finally tore his mouth away from mine.

I smile up at him and kiss his temple. "What happened to profanity being the crutch of a lazy mind?"

Noah grinned down at me, put his hands on my hips and lifted me up so that our pelvises touched and I automatically wrapped my legs around him. My hands wrap around him. I feel the vibrations of his moan as I rake my nails down his back. He ground his hips against mine and my eyes rolled back a little in my head as a strangled "Fuck!" escaped my lips.

"Is that what you want baby?" Noah asked as he rocked against me repeatedly. Always the multi-tasker he undid my bra with his left hand and held me to him with his right while he waited for my answer.

I didn't answer him as I started to shrug out of my bra slowly as he watched. He stopped me before the straps had even reached my elbows. He tilted my chin up and kissed my nose gently.

"Let me do it baby," he said as he looked into my eyes. "I've dreamt about taking your clothes off over and over again. I've cum in my hands to the image of you letting me strip you naked more times than I can count."

I nod slowly as he takes two steps over, lifts me off his hips and sits me on the edge of the drier. He pulls the left strap down slowly, following the path of the thin straps with a trail of kisses. I close my eyes and let my head drop back. I can't watch him be gentle like this. Passion and fucking and hate-sex I can handle. But he's making love to me right now and I don't know how to process this.

Noah stops his progress on my left side and turns his attention to the right strap. This time he mixes up the kisses with licks and nips. Did you know your entire arm can be an erogenous zone? I did. With Noah anything is possible.

Slowly, painfully slowly he pulls my bra off me completely. I can feel his gaze burning my skin and my heart races. "Look at me Rachel," Noah says in a strong, confident, voice that echoes through the room.

I open my eyes and meet his. He smiles at me and strokes my face gently. "You know I love you right? This means something to me. You mean everything to me."

I look at him and try to nod but his gaze has me paralyzed. I can see the love in his eyes. He sees my hesitation and deals with it calmly in a totally non-asshole way that sort of freaks me out even more. Instead of blowing up and asking me why I don't trust him he just gives me an encouragingly and says, "We can stop now if you want. I only want this if it's what you want."

Fuck. He really is my Noah. There are things I _need_ to say before we go any further. "I've missed you," I say to start with as I stroke his cheek the same way he just did mine.

"I've missed you too baby," he says.

"I don't know if I want to stop," I tell him honestly. "I really want you inside me. I just… I don't know if I can survive what comes after."

"What do you think is going to happen?" he asks.

I shrug a little self-consciously. "Slushies. Cougars. Cheerios. You and Quinn. Noah will disappear somewhere and Puck will break my heart again."

"No. That's not going to happen."

He sounds so sure that I almost believe him.

"It would have been easier if we were just fucking," I tell him with brutal honesty. "I can deal with that. But this is too much like Before."

"Too real?" he asks as he gently runs his left hand up my side and nuzzles my breast with his knuckles.

"Yes. When you broke up with me the last time-" I start to say.

"Sweetheart you broke up with me the last time, remember?" Noah cuts in and gives my right nipple a playful tweak as he leans down and kisses the right one. He licks the sensitive skin and then slowly, oh so fucking slowly, he nibbles on my nipple.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," I struggle to say and reach out and tweak his earlobe in retaliation.

"I know. But nobody likes to be reminded of what a fuck up they are." Noah straightens and looks me dead in the eye. "Not to sound like a pussy or quote Finn, but I realized this morning that I can't fight this feeling anymore. And I've forgotten why I started fighting it in the first place. I love you Rachel. I want to be with you in all ways and for always."

"I gave you all that I had Before Noah. You left me bankrupt." I rub my hands through his hair to try to take the sting off the words I know hurt him. "What if I don't know what I can afford to give you this time around? What if I don't know what I want?"

"I know you want me." His voice is confident but I can see the remnants of insecurity in his eyes.

"Obviously I want you sexually Noah. I'm sitting here in just my panties trying pretty desperately not to stick my hands down your boxers and take you down my throat," I say, rolling my eyes. "But I don't know if I'm ready to try to go back-"

"First of all you should totally feel free to stick your hand down my shorts and have your wicked way with me. But I'm not asking you to pretend the past year didn't happen Rachel," Noah interrupts. "I'm asking you to give me a shot at taking our relationship forward."

"What about Quinn and the baby?" I ask doubtfully.

"I'd keep the baby if I could, but Quinn seems dead set on giving her up," Noah replies honestly.

"And Quinn?" I can't let this one go. She's his Finn, only she wasn't my understudy. And he got her pregnant.

"It's hard to want to be with someone who calls you a Lima Loser who isn't good enough to be her baby-daddy." Noah shrugs. "I'm over it. I mean it Rachel. The only thing tying me to Quinn is our baby, and if she gets her way it won't be our baby for very much longer. I only want to be with you."

"Even if being with me makes you a social pariah?"

"Bring it." Noah kisses me then and I can taste that he means it. He does love me.

I just don't know if I love him enough to risk everything to be with him again.

Before things start to get heated again I pull back once again. "You need to know that even if we have sex now, I can't promise that we're back together. I need more time to figure this out."

I can tell that I've hurt his feelings but he nods. "Maybe we shouldn't then. If you're not ready yet. It has to mean something Rachel. I'm not just going to fuck you and let you walk away."

"Even if that's all I want?" I ask. I'm a little afraid of what he'll say but I have to know. We're trying to be honest here.

"Especially-" his voice cracks and he clears his throat before continuing. "Especially if that's what you want. Rachel I love you. You're the only girl I've said that to that I'm not related to. And I want you to be the only one I ever say it to."

My heart aches a little and I swallow back the words I know he wants to hear. "As much as you need me to say it back to you Noah, I'm just not ready to say it out loud yet. I don't know if it's true and I won't say it just to say it."

He nods again and I know he appreciates the truth even if it's ripping him to shreds.

I kiss him before I continue on. "It can mean something even if we don't know exactly what that is you know."

"Yeah?" he asks and pulls me off of the washer and back in to his arms.

I start to lead him to my bedroom and turn to ask him, "Do you have a condom?"

That proves to be a mistake because it means I don't see my fathers walking out of their bedroom down the hall.

Suddenly my dad is screaming my name and pulling me away and daddy is standing over Noah rubbing his fist.

"Daddy no!" I squeal as I break away from my dad and run to Noah's side.

Daddy ignores me because he's too busy growling at Noah to deal. "Stay the fuck down Puckerman or I swear to Christ I'll fucking kill you."

My dad yanks me back up to my feet and starts dragging me to my bedroom. "Rachel Berry you WILL put some clothes on this instant," he roars so loudly I'm unable to hear what daddy and Noah are saying.

I'm so screwed.


	12. These are my confessions

This is so not awesome. Cock-blocked and cold clocked by gay dudes. Not awesome. Thanks Rach. I coulda lived without sharing _this _first with you.

"Did you fuck my daughter?" the Blackberry spit out. (Dude, yeah I know Rachel would not approve of the nickname but a) I am SO not calling him "Daddy" and b) I may be a douche sometimes but I wouldn't actually say it out loud. I mean I'd like to get to fucking Rachel again some day and that would so never happen if she heard me call her frankly fruity father Blackberry.)

"What? Dude no!" This is not happening. "You heard her ask me if I had a condom. Which means I totally didn't hit tha- have intercourse with Rachel."

Without warning he kicked me hard in the nuts.

"Eeeowe! What the fuck man?!? I said I didn't have sex with her!" I said grabbing my package.

"Don't give me that no glove no love bull shit 'Puck'. You knocked up Quinn." Blackberry bent down and grabbed me by my hair. "I come home to find you and my daughter walking hand in hand down the hallway toward her room in nothing but your underoos and sporting some major wood. Forgive me if I do a little fact checking. Now I'm not going to ask you again. Did you take my daughter's virginity today?"

Fuck. "I… no. Yes. I did but not today."

Mr. Berry let out a roar of anguish and fury. "We trusted you. We trusted you with our baby." He stared down at me in disgust and stood up. "Get to the kitchen. Now."

I struggled to my feet and slowly went downstairs. By the time I made it to the kitchen table I could hear Rachel and her parents screaming at each other. One of her dads tells her to put a turtleneck on because the hickes on her neck are unbecoming. It may not have sounded that harsh but that was a pretty big insult in this family. Wow this is going to get ugly.

They come down five minutes later. Things are so frosty I swear vodka woulda frozen. Without a word Rachel's dad, (the non ball buster), goes to the freezer and grabs a pack of frozen peas. He slams them down on the counter twice to loosen them up and then walks over to me. The tiny man tilts my chin up so he can see my black eye, and then roughly shoves the peas on my face. I can't help but gasp cause it fucking hurts and I swear the little man grins for a second before taking a seat at the table next to his husband and Rachel.

"When did this start?" Rachel's dad asks all tight and clipped.

"This time or Before?" Rachel asks coldly.

The Blackberry flinches and takes his husband's hand. "Do NOT talk to your father in that tone of voice young lady."

Rachel's eyes narrow but she takes a deep breath. "Noah and I… renewed our relationship today."

"Meaning you were having sex the last time the two of you were dating?" the nutcracker seethes.

It's Rachel's turn to flinch and she turns her anger toward me. "You told him we had sex?"

She's going to fucking kill me. Forget her parentals, Rachel Berry is going to fucking kill me.

I swallow hard and man up. "Rach, he's your father. I couldn't lie when he asked me."

Ironically it was the ball buster who saved me from what promised to be a major scream-fest by jumping back in before she could respond. "You were only fifteen years old Rachel! What the hell were you thinking?"

Rachel ran her hands through her hair absently in frustration. "I was thinking that I loved my boyfriend and I didn't want to die a virgin Daddy. I was thinking that I wanted try to forget that I had a tumor in my head the size of a baseball and try to be a normal teenager. I was thinking that it was nice to feel good for an hour a day and be able to sleep without putting even more drugs in my body."

I reached out and took her hand in mine. Putting the peas down on the dining table I looked over at her parents who were sitting and staring at us in shock. "I love her. I know it doesn't seem like it cause I've been fucking up for the last year, but I really fucking love your daughter Misters Berry. And you don't have to worry about Quinn and the baby `cause Quinn says she's going to put her up for adoption. I need to put them first for now but after that I'm going to make all this up to Rachel if she'll let me."

The Jewish Mr. Berry started drumming his fingers. "Do you still love Noah Rachel?"

She stared down at the table and didn't say anything for like a year before she nodded. I squeezed her hand but she wouldn't look at me.

"Even though he's having a baby with someone else?" Blackberry asked all surprised and shit.

"We weren't together then," she said softly. "And while the circumstances are less than exemplary, I know that Noah loves his little girl. He's already proven that he'll do whatever it takes to be a part of her life in whatever way he can, no matter what the personal cost. He's made mistakes but he's been man enough to try to rectify them."

Rachel's dad's eyes narrowed and he frowned. "Please remind me as to why the two of you broke up?"

"Because I didn't deserve her. I was screwed up after my dad ditched us and I did some pretty stupid things." I choked on the words but I had to get them out. The Berrys deserved an honest answer. "I didn't want to keep hurting her and I knew she'd let me so I broke it off to try to protect her from the asshole I was turning in to."

He snorts and looks at me in contempt. "And how was throwing slushies at my baby girl on a regular basis for the better part of a year protect her from you exactly?"

Shit. I so hadn't wanted to have to say this part out loud. "It was… it was easier that way. At first I tried to be… you know… nice. But I could see that she wanted me back. We'd said we'd have a clean break but it wasn't going that way. I could see that she didn't really believe that I was an asshole. I could see it in her eyes. So I had to… I had to make her understand. I had to make her see that what we had Before was dead so she would be free to go find something better. Better than me. Better than Lima."

Rachel squeezed my hand and I turned to look at her. I felt a little like a pussy for going all Oprah and talking about my "inner motivations" and shit, but Rachel was worth this.

"Noah Puckerman," she said softly. "For a genius you're pretty stupid sometimes, you know that?"

I give her a sad half smile and shrug. "I'm only good with numbers babe. Doctor Phil kind of makes me want to set myself on fire." What, you think I'd get out of going to math class for 3 years just because I want to take a nap? The only thing that I lay down better than pipe is numbers. It's my dirty little secret.

A/N: I wanted to write more but I'm falling asleep and I've kept you all waiting way too long for this chapter as it is. Please review- let me know how you think the story is unfolding.


	13. Promiscuous Girl

A/N- Thank you for the reviews everyone. I'm supposed to be doing paperwork tonight but instead here's a mini-update. I'll try to get a real update soon.

After a few minutes of silence Puck starts to sweat. When it comes to Rachel he's gotten used to diva fits and storm offs. Or the proverbial thesaurus smack down. The silence is fucked up.

"So if the two of you are back together-" Mr. Berry said quietly.

"We're not back together," Rachel denied hotly.

In that sick moment Puck thanked God that Quinn had put him in lying boot camp because there was no way he could have gotten through a blow like that without flinching.

Apparently Rachel's parents weren't so zen because they did NOT like her comment any more than he did but they were not quiet about it.

"Jesus Rachel! Are you telling me you were about to sleep with Noah and you two aren't even dating?" Rachel's Jewish father sighed.

Watching the conversation unfold is kind of like watching a play go wrong on the jumbotron. He loved Rachel but she was totally going to fumble this one unless he stepped in. Like now. "It's complicated," he said simply.

He felt Rachel squeeze his hand and he was glad he'd masked his reaction. She loved him and that was the important part.

"Rachel Berry we did not raise you to be some sort of loose women who goes around sleeping with the local miscreant outside the confines of a committed relationship!"

Wow. Jewberry is kind of a bitch. _That_ is where Rachel gets it from.

For a split second Puck wonders if there's such thing as a Jewberry, cause that would be awesome. If he had an iPhone he'd totally Google that shit under the table while waiting for his nads to stop throbbing.

"And why the hell aren't you in a relationship? You say you love my daughter but-" the other Mr. Berry spit out.

Rachel rolled her eyes and snorted. "It's my choice Daddy."

This time it was Blackberry's turn to roll his eyes. "Well then let me make this simple for you. You either choose to be in a committed relationship with Noah or you choose not to engage in sexual relations. Your dad is right. We did not raise you to be the kind of girl who engages in promiscuous behavior."

What the fuck?! "Did you just call Rachel a slut? Because I don't care if you are her father, you don't get to talk about her like that." I snarled.

"That's not what he means Noah. Honey tell Noah that's not what you mean." Jewberry said.

"Actually given that the adjective in question can be defined as the 'indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners,' I'm sure that's exactly what he meant." Rachel said stiffly.

"Indiscriminate my ass!" I jumped up from my seat. "Look asshole she just told you that she loves me. And you've seen how picky she is about her shoes, and those only go on her feet! Now apologize to the lady, asshole." The part of my brain that I tell to shut the fuck up while I'm making sweet magic with a cougar is screaming that calling Rachel's father an asshole was probably a bad idea. Good thing I know how to tune that shit out.

Suddenly Rachel burst out laughing. She was laughing so hard she literally fell out of her chair and on to her knees and she still didn't stop. "Noah Puckerman, did you just quote 'Clueless' while cussing out my Daddy?"


	14. Boyfriend Girlfriend

A/N- I want you all to know that I have 0 out of 18 pages worth of reports that are due right now. But instead of making sure I don't get fired, I'm here writing flashbacks. Do you think my boss will take your reviews into consideration when my performance review is due?

Speaking of reviews- Parts of this installment flowed really easily, but other parts were a real struggle. Please let me know if you like how this chapter came out. I really value your opinions.

* * * *

And like that the tension was gone. It was like the last year and change didn't happen. They were a family. Rachel and Puck. The Fathers Berry and Rachel. And even Puck and the Fathers Berry. The four of them against reality instead of the four of them against each other.

Rachel looked at the three most important men in her life. Once upon a time this had been the norm and not the exception. Once upon a time she'd known she'd spend the rest of her life with Noah. She just hadn't known how long her life would be. Now she knew that, God willing, she'd live as long as any of her peers. She just didn't know if that life would include Noah.

"I… I have a lot to digest." Rachel looked at Noah as she spoke her regret was written on her face and embedded in her voice. "I think… I think maybe it would be best if you went home for now Noah."

If it had been any other girl kicking him out in front of her parents Puck would have lost his shit. But it was Rachel. His Rachel. If she'd done anything else besides kick him out so she could "digest" the day's developments then she wouldn't be Rachel. So instead of making a fuss or cussing out her fathers again he simply nodded and gave her a winsome half smile as he stood up.

He was half way out of the kitchen before he heard her fathers start to laugh again.

"Noah?" Rachel said with a hint of amusement in her own voice. "You probably should go upstairs and get your clothes out of the drier before you head out."

By the time Noah made it home he had 14 text messages on his phone, but only one of them was from Rachel.

The first was from his mother letting him know that he better have a good excuse ready for her when she got home at 8 that night for cutting school today because she didn't like getting phone calls from Figgins regarding her sons less than stellar attendance record.

Texts two through ten were from Matt and Mike. Though the texts themselves seemed like they were the normal bs he'd get from his teammates, Puck knew the guys were just fishing for an explanation as to why he'd asked them to drop his truck off at Rachel Berry's house. And why he'd asked her if she wanted to eat lunch with them.

The eleventh text was from his sister and was just a head's up that their mom was on the warpath because of the call from Figgins.

Text twelve was from Artie of all people. It read, "Saw you in the parking lot with Rachel this morning. She may be a bitch sometimes but you can be a real asshole Puckerman."

Lucky number 13 was from his future in-laws saying that they'd set up an STD screening for him for tomorrow afternoon. Sure that was creepy, inappropriate and controlling of them, but given that they were Rachel's parents he hadn't been too freaked out by the fact they'd over-stepped several boundaries. What did freak him out was the fact that they'd scheduled the screening at the same hospital where his mother worked. He was straight up positive they knew that.

Rachel's text was actually an MMS. She'd used her camera phone to snap a picture of an old photo of the two of them at the lake at Camp Wise the summer before she got sick. He was chasing her into the water and the both of them were laughing like crazy people. He smiled when he saw it.

_He remembered dawdling on the way to dinner that evening so that he and Rachel had fallen behind the group. He'd taken her hand and deliberately walked close to one of the cabins. She'd smiled at him and squeezed his hand that night too, but she didn't ask any questions. They were each other's best friends that summer and sometimes it just felt right to hold hands. He'd gently pushed her back into the shadows and against the wall of the empty cabin and kissed her. _

_They'd already shared a few kisses by then, the first of course being at his bar mitzvah in the spring. But this was the first time he'd traced his tongue across her lips. She'd shivered just a little in his arms and opened her mouth just a little when she'd sighed. He'd gone in for the kill then, sneaking his tongue in and tickling the roof of her mouth. Puck had heard one of the older guys say that chicks really went crazy for that. _

_Rachel had frozen up for a second then and her fingernails had dug into his shoulders SO HARD that he thought he'd ruined everything. Up until that night she'd always been so… innocent. He knew she liked kissing him, but she never seemed to get worked up the way he did, which is one of the reasons why he hadn't kiss her more often. _

_He'd opened his eyes expecting her to pull away and ask him why he was being gross. Instead he'd found her staring at him with wide eyes. He'd pulled away in surprise then. _

_She'd lifted her hand to her lips then. He had watched a look of wonder cross her face, her eyes focused on his mouth as she trailed her fingers over the places his tongue had been just moments before. _

"_Where'd you… how'd you know how to do that?" she'd marveled. _

_He'd shrugged. Puck hadn't had any experience with anyone besides Rachel, but even he knew that telling a girl he'd been trying something he'd picked up from locker room banter was a bad idea. _

_She'd just tilted her head and looked up at him. "Did you kiss someone else?" There was no judgment, no accusation in her gaze, just curiosity. _

_He'd frowned and shaken his head. _

"_It's okay if you did you know. I know a lot of girls like you so-"_

_He'd kissed her again then, just to shut her up so she wouldn't say anything to ruin this. It had been their first REAL kiss and he wanted it to be between just the two of them. _

_He'd felt her smile against the crush of his lips. And then… and then Rachel was the one running her tongue over his lips. _

_He'd pulled away again and looked at her in the dim light of the setting sun. "So you liked it?"_

_She'd nodded and grinned at him goofily. "It was kind of badass." She leaned away from the cabin and stood on her tip-toes to kiss him again. _

_They'd skipped dinner that night and just kissed. He'd try something and if she liked it she'd copy it. Then she'd try something and he'd copy it if he liked it. He'd been careful not to let her pull him too closely to her or let either of their hands roam so she wouldn't know how much he liked kissing her. _

_When he'd heard people start coming out of the dining hall he'd pulled away from her again. They were both breathing kind of hard by then. Noah had pushed her hair out of her face and smiled down at the smaller girl. "You're the only girl I've ever kissed."_

_She'd smiled up at him and blushed. "You're REALLY good at it Noah." _

"_So are you Rach," he said kissing her forehead. _

"_Can we do it again? Later?" she asked shyly. "I want to try it again."_

"_Yeah but… only if… only if you promise that I'm the only one you try stuff with." He'd tried to say it all macho but his voice had cracked and even he could hear the hesitation in his voice. _

_She had looked at him in puzzlement. "Who else would I kiss Noah?"_

_He'd felt relief and let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Nobody. You shouldn't kiss anybody else." He'd taken her hands in his again then. "I like kissing you Rachel. You like kissing me too right?" _

_Rachel had rolled her eyes at him then. "Duh. I already told you that you're super good at it Noah."_

"_And we're friends right? Like really good friends right?" _

_Rachel had nodded then, her confusion slowly building. _

_God she'd been so innocent. He was only a few months older than her but sometimes that had seemed like years. He known he wasn't a stud or anything, but sometimes he couldn't figure out if she was just super trusting or naive or just a little socially retarded. _

"_So if we're like, you know, really good friend, and you like kissing me and I like kissing you, then I think you should be my girlfriend. You know, if you want to be that is. Cause I'd really like you to be my girlfriend." He'd rushed the words because he was nervous._

_She'd frowned a little. "I'm not really supposed to have a boyfriend yet Noah. You know that."_

_He'd just looked at her as his heart pounded against his ribs. "You kissed me first Rachel."_

"_But that was like, forever ago! Your bar mitzvah was way over a year ago and things have been fine since then."_

_He remembered now that she'd rubbed her temples for a little while and then rubbed her neck like she had a headache. He knew that it wasn't the first time he'd seen her do it, but he remembered her doing it that night because this small part of him had been hurt that his asking her to be his girlfriend had given her a headache. _

"_Can't we just… you know keep being friends? And just kiss sometimes?" She'd asked earnestly. "That's worked till now right?"_

"_At first maybe, but not after tonight. If you're not my girlfriend then I can't get mad if some other dude tries to kiss you." He'd tried to show her how logical it was for them to take this next step together. "Do you want me to be able to kiss another girl?" _

"_No but, Noah, I promised my fathers that I wouldn't come home from camp with a boyfriend," Rachel kind of whined. "It was the only way they'd let me come again this year."_

"_Well have you been kissing anyone but me?" he'd patiently asked._

"_No but-" she'd started before he cut her off again._

"_And am I the only guy you've ever kissed?" he had asked though he knew the answer before Rachel nodded yes._

"_And you already said you liked kissing me and didn't want to kiss anyone else right?"_

_Rachel'd nodded hesitantly again._

"_Well I already said you're the only girl I've ever kissed and I know that I don't want to kiss any other girls besides you." He had rubbed his nose gently against hers and then asked softly, "And it would be a good thing if I didn't kiss other girls besides you right?"_

_She'd frowned a little but nodded yes. _

"_So if I'm not kissing anyone but you, and you're not kissing anyone but me, and we're already really good friends, then we should be a couple." He had grinned at her before kissing her soft and slow with just a hint of tongue like he now knew she liked. _

_He remembered that Rachel had kind of whimpered and pulled him tightly to her so that he was closer to her than he'd ever been while kissing. _

_When her hand had somehow worked its way under his shirt and onto the bare skin of his back he'd forced himself to step back. "Rachel- please. I'm a guy. It feels too good when you touch me like when we're making out. We need to slow down a little okay?" _

_He watched her eyes go wide and a blush spread across her cheeks for the umpteenth time that night and she nodded her head shakily. "Sorry Noah." _

_They'd stood there staring at each other for a few minutes as they both tried to calm their raging hormones. Noah had been surprised at how long it took for the new feelings and urges to recede to controllable levels. But what surprised him more was that instead of regaining her composure Rachel got more fidgety as time went on. _

_Only… maybe it hadn't really surprise him that much at all. He'd known her well enough to understand that while she really did like him more than she'd admit, she also really didn't want to actively disobey her parents. _

_He'd taken her hand for what he knew would be the last time that night and lead her toward the campfire where the rest of their friends and counselors were roasting s'mores. _

"_Rachel…" he'd said softly and stopped in the shadow of the cabin closest to the campfire. "Even if, um, you know, you want to wait till later… you know you're still my best friend right?"_

_She'd thrown her arms around him then and pulled him in for a hug so tight that he hadn't been sure if the reason he lost his breath was because she'd squeezed it out of him or because she'd squeezed him to her. _

"_I really do like kissing you Noah," she'd whispered fiercely. "I just don't think I'm ready to _really like_ you _this_ much." _

_He'd laughed a little then because even though making out with Rachel Berry was fricking awesome a part of him knew exactly how she felt. _

Puck looked down at his phone and realized he was still smiling. He'd been kind of freaked out when she'd said that she needed time to think but seeing this picture he knew everything was going to be all right. She hadn't been ready to be his girlfriend when he'd asked her that night over three years ago. She had made it clear tonight she wasn't quite ready to dive back into anything serious. But the picture she'd just sent him was worth a thousand words. So channeling his inner Noah, he manned up and typed the words that the Puckerone would never have had the balls to send: "_You're still my best friend too." _


	15. The Way I Am

A/N- I love your reviews. Thank you all so VERY much for all of your feedback. I'm still wicked behind on my real work but it'll take an act of Congress to get me fired so I'm all about some Puckleberry right now.

Puck sat in the student parking lot the next morning nervously tapping the steering wheel of his truck while he waited for Rachel to show up. He wanted to convince her to let him be the one to tell Finn about what had happened between them the day before. Everyone knew that Rachel was Finn's _other _girl. He figured it would be a good idea to tell the Finn what the deal was up front this time.

He must have drifted off for a second because when he looked up he saw Rachel pulling in to the spot next to Artie. _Fuck. _Puck hadn't answered Artie's text last night. He'd kind of blown it off figuring that the whole Finn/Quinn/Finn/Rachel thing was priority one, but he could tell from the look on Artie's face that he'd been wrong.

Puck scrambled out of the cab of the truck and made a beeline toward them. Rachel hadn't noticed that Artie was waiting for her yet and was still fiddling with stuff in her car. Thankfully Artie had his back to him, which gave Puck the element of surprise, which he used to pop the break and wheel Artie away before the bassist could protest.

"Abrams," Puck said in a matter of fact voice as he steered the Gleek through the parking lot. "We need to talk."

"Puckerman," Artie replied calmly. "I have a test first period so if you could save the port-a-potty special for sometime after lunch I'd appreciate it."

"Stop being a drama queen Wheels. I said talk and I meant talk," Puck growled. "Look. What you thought you saw yesterday- you didn't. I didn't slushy Rachel."

Artie looked up in disbelief and pointed across the lot to the spot where Rachel had parked the day before. "The empty cup is right there Puck."

"Fine," Puck ground out through clenched teeth. "But it was an accident. I got more of that shit on me than I did on her. You can ask her if you want."

Artie spun his chair out of Puck's grasp and looked up at his abductor. "Even if it was an accident, you still made her cry. I saw her slap you man and I'm pretty sure the whole state heard her scream at you when she did it."

Puck ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "You're taking everything out of context. Rachel and I are friends. Seriously dude, you should ask her."

"He would have an easier time doing that if you hadn't just committed grand theft Artie, Noah." Rachel said as she stepped into their line of vision.

"Shit Rachel don't do that! I almost killed you right then! You don't even realize!" Puck yelped as he tried not to jump out of his skin.

Rolling her eyes Rachel snarked, "Whatever Eddie," and turned to Artie. "Your text said you wanted to talk Artie. May I inquire as to what this about?"

Artie looks back and forth between Puck and Rachel and notices that they're standing close enough to touch. Scratch that, they are touching. Puck's right shin is sort of behind Rachel's left calf. It's somehow subtle and blatant at the same time.

"Holy shit are you two back together?"

They answer simultaneously but not unanimously.

"Yes." Rachel says quietly with just a drop of panic in her voice.

"No." Puck says the defeat completely saturating his one word reply.

Artie watches their heads snap up and shock cover their faces as they stare at each other in disbelief.

"We are?" Noah asks with relief just as Rachel goes full DIVA, drawing herself up to her full height and placing angry hands on angry hips and says, "What the fuck do you mean we're not back together Noah?"

Artie can't help thinking the whole exchange is like something out of a movie. "Alright this is more drama than I need before Stats, so I'm going to book."

Rachel's nails dig into Puck's arm as she drags him into the empty choir room. He sits down on the piano bench and watches her pace back and forth across the floor.

Their silence is broken by the sound of the warning bell. Somehow she's found her way behind the podium and is gripping its sides as if her life depended on it. "Just tell me Noah, do you want to be with me or not?"

Noah is on his feet in a flash and at her side the moment he hears her voice start sort of warbling half way through her sentence. He starts to panic then because if there is one thing that Rachel Berry is in control of at all times, it's her voice.

"I do. I do. I want to be with you. I just- last night you said you weren't ready so I just thought that meant we weren't together." He pulls her into his arms and hugs her as if he's trying to keep her from running away- which is exactly what he's doing.

The tiny brunet rubs her head against his chest and sighs. "I guess I over reacted. I apologize Noah. This is all so… unexpected. I'm afraid that I find myself uncertain of how to successfully navigate this particular situation."

"I'm kinda freaked out too Rachel," he says as he strokes her hair. He knows he said the exact right thing when he feels her smile into his shirt. He gloats a little inside knowing that Saint Finn doesn't speak fluent enough Rachel to be able to respond appropriately, let alone understand what she'd just said.

The final bell rang and they broke apart slowly. They grinned sort of sheepishly at each other as Puck too her hand in his.

"You want me to walk you to class?" he asked softly.

She nods and squeezes his hand. "You know it is your class to right?"

He makes a face and she gives him a playful shove. "Are you coming or not Noah?"

He raises an eyebrow suggestively and it only takes her a moment to realize she made some rather questionable word choices.

"You're a pervert, you know that?" She says with equal parts of exasperation, horror, and admiration in her voice.

"Well yeah. But I'm your pervert." Because he knows she's not too big on PDA he takes a quick look around to make sure that no one's around before leaning down and kissing her softly.

"Well yeah," she agrees and kisses him back.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I headed toward the weight room after dropping Rach off at class. It was time to man up.

Finn wasn't the only one there, but the other guys cleared out fast when they saw me heading directly toward him.

He was doing lat pull downs when he saw me in the mirror. He let the weights drop and stood to leave.

"I need to talk to you Hudson," I said trying not to get frostbite from the cold shoulder he was throwing me.

"Go away Puck," he said as he went to the next station.

The dumb shit went to the bench press. I might be a macho moron, but even I know not to try to press serious weight with out a spotter. Or while trying to avoid someone.

For a second I thought about pulling some sort of stunt to make him listen to me, but I just sat down on the empty bench next to him and waited for him to put the weight down. No way in hell was I going to tell him while there was a chance he'd injure himself. I didn't need that shit at my door too.

After like 5 minutes he finally put the bar down and sat up.

"I know you're still pissed as fuck about Quinn but I have to tell you something before you hear it from someone else. Rachel took me back." I can't meet his eye as I say it.

I can feel him staring at me and brace myself for his fist, but it doesn't come.

Instead he just sounds tired when he asks, "You tell Quinn yet?"

I shook my head. "The only thing between me and Quinn is the baby and we both know she'd rather Drizzle be yours than mine. But you are- well you were my boy. And Rach sort of had girl wood for you for a while. "

Hudson just sits there for a while longer before standing up and heading toward the door. He turns toward me at the last minute and says, "You hurt either one of those girls again and I'll kill you Puck. I will Humpty Dumpty you so bad they'll never find all the pieces." He says it all matter of fact and walks out.

Somehow I manage to make it to the trash can before I throw up.

After gargling a gallon of water and chewing a pack of gum I go looking for Quinn. Saint Finn might have gone all `American Psycho,' but he had a point. Baby Mama had a right to know.

I don't find her till right before lunch. She looks tired as shit, but not like she's about to rip my `nads off so I figure it's as good a time as any. "Can we talk?"

Quinn nods and we head toward the glee room.

"How you holding up?" I ask trying to break the ice. There's not much I can do to make her life better but I'll do whatever I can. I'd asked her if she wanted to stay with me but she'd opted for Miss Pillsbury's instead.

She shrugs and rubs her neck. "Some days are easier than others. I just miss Finn."

Two days ago that would have pissed me off, but now that I have Rachel, I can see that she's stating a fact and not making a personal attack. But there's nothing that I can say to make it better so I just pull her into a hug and rub her back.

She sighs and pulls away after a moment. "So what do you want to talk about?"

I figure it's better to just to get it over with fast. "Rachel took me back. I told Finn and now I'm telling you."

"How'd he take it?" Her voice and her eyes are steady and I can tell she's genuinely worried about him.

Trying to be badass I laugh a little and quote his little speech word for word for her.

Quinn rolls her eyes and rubs her back again. She sits down and pulls her lunch out of her bag. "I don't know what to say to that."

"It made me throw up." I blurt out sitting a few seats over from her. "It was creepy as fuck."

"You are such a girl sometimes," Quinn laughs.

"You woulda tossed your cookies too if you'd been there." I know I sound like a five year old but I can't help it.

"Maybe," she says generously before taking a sip of her chocolate soymilk. "But I'm pregnant so it would have blamed it on morning sickness."

I half-heartedly flip her off but she just smirks and laughs at me.


	17. In My Head

Chapter 17

The thing was, Puck hadn't really planned ahead for this. He wasn't what you'd call a planner. The occasional scheme, sure, but planning, yeah… that shit was for pussies. Totally more Rachel's bag then his.

So now that Rachel was his again and he'd handled things with Finn and Quinn, he wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do next besides try to get in to Rachel's pants as soon as possible. Sure Rachel had taken him back, but he knew that things were still fragile as shit between them. He'd nearly blown it this morning in front of Artie. Not badass. At all.

Puck used to know Rachel. He'd like to think he still did, but seriously, the girl was complicated as all hell. Maybe he should concentrate on getting to know her again. If he could understand her like he used to then he'd be able to avoid fucking up with her long enough to get her re-addicted to his sex-fu. Sex had never been their problem. It had always been fucking amazing between them. Seriously no Cheerio, no Cougar, no woman, no _fantasy_ could compare. That meant something. Right?

But shit. It didn't mean he knew his girl. Okay yeah, it meant he knew how she liked her pipe laid. But that's it.

So what does that mean for him? For them? Fuck his head hurts.

When the bell rings for lunch he starts to panic. He doesn't have a plan. He doesn't have the words. He doesn't- he has to stop thinking. Start doing. Now.

He sees her putting something in to her locker and he just acts. He spins her around and presses her against the cold hard metal. He can see the confusion and panic in her eyes. Puck kisses her hard before she can form her question.

Puck feels her try to pull away but _no. He needs her to know. He doesn't have the words but he has this. _

Rachel opens her mouth to protest but he doesn't let her say anything- he just dives in for the kill. He uses his tongue to brand her, tracing his name on the roof of her mouth with his tongue. Puck could hear the gasps of the shocked students flooding the hallway around them, but he didn't care. All that mattered was Rachel.

She's shivering in his arms and grabs at his back, clawing desperately at his shirt. She's trying to find some traction, gain purchase, anchor herself against the storm he's unleashed on her. But she's lost. Rachel moans and digs her nails into his back, breaking his skin and her own code of behavior.

And the thing is he knows that this isn't what she'd want. Yeah he can make her want him and part of him feels like the biggest stud in the HISTORY of McKinley because he can play her body like a mother fucking riot. And yeah Rachel is literally moaning and whimpering and biting that… fuck… that spot where… fuck his neck and his collarbone meet up. _She_ was branding _him. _But Noah knew that this… this wasn't what she wanted even though now she was grabbing his ass and trying to dry hump the shit out of him. Her nipples were hard as diamonds- he could feel them through their shirts.

"Noah- Noah please," Rachel whimpers as she grabs his hand and places it high on her hip. Under her skirt.

"Rachel you're going to fucking kill me," Puck gasps as he rears back a little. When the _fuck_ did he loose control of the situation? He rests his forehead against hers while he tries to catch his breath.

"Wha? What?" Rachel pants as she pushes up on her tip-toes trying to get him to kiss her again. "Please Noah… I'm so close."

"Not here baby," he grins. "Can you wait till we get back to my place?" he coaxes her gently. He shivers as he watches her actually consider his question before slowly nodding. She's so fucking hot and ready for him he knows Fo Sho that there is a God. He laughs as she gives him a hazy horny smile then picks her up in a reverse piggy-back and carries her down the hall.

Rachel snuggles against him and he kisses her forehead. He can feel how wet her panties are cause they are rubbing against his six-pack.

"Noah… we probably shouldn't have… um," Rachel whispers into his neck. Her breath is hot, damp, and still a little ragged. "People are staring."

"It was pretty epic Babe. Everyone probably thinks we're the biggest skanks in Glee now. Like if someone were to rank that shit, we'd probably end up on the top of the list," Puck laughs as he kicks the double doors open and steps into the parking lot.

"Noah!" She's all indignant and embarrassed and he does feel a little guilty about it except her nipples are so hard that he knows she'd go off like a rocket if he were to slip his hand between her legs.

So instead of apologizing he mans up and uses his words. "I love you Rachel Berry."


	18. least complicated

Chapter 18

He doesn't know how exactly, but Puck managed to get Rachel safely buckled up in the passenger seat of his car without ever letting her go. He slides in to his own seat and stares at her for a minute before he starts the truck.

Rachel gives him a lazy smile before she curls up against him and sighs.

"I love you Rach," he tells her as he shifts into reverse.

"I really want to say something 'bad-ass' right now about how talk is cheap and if you really meant it you'd step on the gas so you could SHOW me you love me instead of just saying it over and over again," she says softly and starts tracing her fingers up and down his thigh.

"Rachel, please don't say shit like that to me while I'm driving baby. You just went straight past 'bad-ass' and directly into 'my girlfriend is so hot that she makes me jizz my pants and crash the truck before we even get out of the parking lot' territory," Puck said as gripped the steering wheel tightly with his left hand and captured the hand that Rachel was using to torture him with his right. "And distracted driving kills."

Rachel laughed a little before squeezing his hand. "You're right of course. It's just… I'm not really used to having to take an intermission between acts with you Noah."

"Did you just use theater speak to describe our sex-fu?" Puck asked as he checked his side mirror before changing lanes. "Because all sorts of hot and dirty." He glances over just in time to see her squeeze her legs together and grip her skirt in an act of quiet desperation.

"Why do you think they call it the performing arts Noah?" Her breathing is a little more labored now and he can tell she's getting turned on again. He's not even touching her but just talking about talking dirty has made her a little bit crazy for him.

Noah is about to curse the gods for the fact that he just missed the light cause he knows they are going to spend the next two and a half minutes stuck at this intersection, but then he realizes that he's got two and a half minutes to make Rachel come. He lets go of her hand and without taking his eyes off the traffic light he shoots his hand beneath her skirt and tucks two of his fingers under the elastic of her panties and starts stroking her clit. "I'm going to fuck you SO hard when we get back to my house baby. So hard. I promise I'll do that thing with my tongue and my fingers when I go down on you that made you cum three times last spring. Do you remember Rach?"

"Noah," Rachel gasps as she lifts her hips toward him. "Distracted… dis… you have to… anyone could see us…"

He smiles and looks around at the cars idling next to them and nods. "Yeah baby, they could. Just like in the hallway at school. You're a little naughty that way aren't you baby? You _love performing_ don't you?" He presses down hard on her clit on each word in his last sentence just to drive the point home.

For the second time in twenty-four hours she comes undone in his hands. She's whimpering his name over and over and all he wants to do is replace his fingers with his cock but he knows his two and a half minutes are almost up. So instead he slowly pulls his hand away. If he was a better man he'd whisper soothing promises of his undying love, but he's a horny teenage boy so instead of letting her rest and bask in the after-orgasm bliss, he trails his slightly pruned fingers up her thigh, over her pussy and then across the flat of her stomach, about three inches bellow her belly-button.

Rachel comes again like a rocket, calling his name out like it was a curse. She's ticklish as hell at the best of times, but she's incredibly sensitive right there just after she's cum. He doesn't want to think about it now, but it's something that he's tried with nearly every other person he's fucked and none of them have ever responded to him like Rachel just did.

Thankfully the light changes just then or else he's pretty sure she'd have taken advantage of him. Okay yeah he'd have wanted it, but really, it's one thing to let people a sneak peak at the coming attractions, but another thing entirely to let them see the main feature for free. Plus the truck is almost out of gas and he doesn't think it's got 45 minutes worth of idling left in its tank.

"God Noah, I think I hate it when you make me do that." Rachel says wearily as he presses on the gas pedal.

He snorts and rolls his eyes as he teases her. "You hate it when I make you cum twice in under two minutes?"

"Yes! Okay even I know that sounds wrong, but it… it… it's intense. And it… it kind of felt like you just used my body against me." She has her eyes closed and she's pulled away from him so that now instead of leaning against him, she's leaning against the door.

He's silent for a moment before responding because he was right earlier- he doesn't really know his chick any more. He was trying to show her that he did, but with Rachel… just cause he knows her body doesn't mean he know _her._ He realizes then that the hard part wasn't winning her back, it'll be keeping her. Just because the third time's the charm doesn't mean it will be easy. "Rachel…"

She's pulled her legs up so that she's sitting next to him in the fetal position and just stares out the window.

"Baby, please look at me," he begs. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to- I didn't mean to fuck this up Rach. Please believe me. I wasn't trying to be a dick."

"You were just thinking with it." She rolls down the window to get some fresh air.

He can tell she's a little embarrassed with both her emotions and how he played her like an instrument. He has three choices here. The first is to play off this awkward moment like it's nothing and basically charm his way back in to her panties. The second is to take the offensive and point out that she'd obviously been just as into it as he had and she should be thanking him for making her loose her shit. Twice. The third was to, ugh, and this one straight up sucked, talk about it.

"Rachel, if it… if you don't like it anymore then I won't, um, do it again." He waits for her to say something but she doesn't. "It's just that you used to go crazy when I di-"

"Fuck, Noah, that was _Before!_ What part of this isn't like it was last year don't you understand?" She explodes in place and just stares at him like he's the stupidest piece of shit in the entire world. "You can't just expect me to pick up where we left off. You don't really get to get off that easy! And don't even _think_ of making some sort of dirty joke at my poor choice of words!"

"I wasn't!" he responds earnestly. He's being 100% honest with her, but that's only since she cut him off before his dirty mind could go there. He's glad she did too because he knows he's in trouble when she swears. "I know it isn't like _before_ baby. I just wanted to make you feel good. I swear to you that is all it was. Just tell me what's off limits baby and I'll respect that." He's sweating hard now and the words are tumbling out of his mouth, "You liked it when I used my fingers yesterday right? But the second time, that was too intense?" Apparently there's a fourth option- totally bitch out and hand your girlfriend your balls.

They pull into his driveway and he turns the engine off. Now that they aren't moving he doesn't really have an excuse to not look at her so he tries to find what's left of his manhood and muster up the courage to try to meet her gaze.

The minute he does he can tell she's trying to figure all this shit out too. It makes him feel a little better that she doesn't really know what the hell she wants from him or what's going on between them.

"I don't know the rules here Rachel. I'm just making things up as I go along, but you got to help me here baby. I'm like emotionally retarded and I'm a guy. For me making you cum like that when I know I can't is showing you that I love you- and that's what you asked me to do when we were in the parking lot."

He sees her face soften a little and he relaxes just enough so that he can breath again.

What she says next is kind of like a kick in the gut though. Like a super hot kick from a hot chick in the gut, but still.

"I don't want to cum without you Noah. I don't like it. It feels empty. I spent the last year getting off by myself and it isn't the same Noah." She strokes his cheek and places a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you woman?" he chokes out as he fumbles to release his seatbelt.

"Well," she grins saucily, "only le petit mort." She releases her own seat belt and is out of the truck before he can wipe the drool from his chin. "Coming Noah?" she asks over her shoulder as she walks toward his front door.

"You can fucking count on it!" he growls as he chases after her.


End file.
